God has a sense of humor; and, he provides "divine intervention" at the most appropriate, perfect time. You do not have to agree, but, for me, The Sacred Echo proved - once again - it's true.
As many of you know, I am currently seeking a full-time teaching job. I have not worked full-time since March 2009. Since that time, I have worked regularly as a substitute teacher, long-term substitute, and even a TAKS Reading Tutor for a local middle school. In April of this year, I accepted the Director of Youth Ministries position at First United Methodist Church in Joshua. I stay busy, but I cannot shake this feeling inside of more. There has to be more. Right?
I could not have read this book at a better time. Margaret Feinberg has a way with words like Michelangelo could paint, Phil Mickelson can golf, and Celine Dion can sing. I have read other books that she has written and I love them all. So much, in fact, that the youth group will begin a six-week study on The Organic God.
There is so much I love about The Sacred Echo that it is difficult for me to express in words. I needed to read this book because I had this incredible sinking feeling of being lost and alone; I needed comfort and peace that God is always with me, even in the silence of a moment. I needed to read this to be assured that others, including Feinberg, often feel the same way. Not only am I not alone with God, but I am not alone in my relationship with other Christians who, at times, feel the very same thing. One major revelation for me, after reading several books by Feinberg, has been to take a very serious, more detailed examination of my relationship with God. Lately, it's been a matter of convenience and hope for what I really want, then disappointment and frustration when my prayers are unanswered. I have lacked an intimate relationship with my Creator, the communication has been sporadic and merely a need-to-commune basis. This is not what I want, and it is not what God wants either.
More than anything, I want to pray with the confidence that God will not only hear my words but act on them, and I want to listen with the confidence that when God speaks, I will recognize his voice and readily obey. I want a relationship with God where prayer is as natural as breathing...I want my every inhale infused with his presence, and every exhale an extension of his love.
I want to experience the Sacred echoes, the persistent voice of God. I want the eyes of my heart to see and my ears to listen, I want to discern the voice of God and obey his instruction.
While reading this book, as usual, I am constantly making notes and comments in the margins of pages. As I flip through the pages for this post, I am struck by all the questions that I have written:
I feel lost in the dark, where is God? Why don't I hear God's voice, where is the Sacred echo? Where is God's light in this dark place? Why is God's voice so hard for me to hear? What's wrong with me? What am I missing? Why can't I hear God's echo?
God is begging for a closer relationship with me, and I want that too. Now, I hear His whisper: I am here. I have not left you. Come to me, sit awhile. My heart is aching but I feel renewed. I needed this reminder that I am not alone, God is always with me.
...I've noticed that the process of waiting that accompanies prayer brings impurities like fear, lack of faith, and doubt to the surface of my soul.
I am at this place. This search for a full-time job has drained my spirit. It is extremely frustrating and overwhelming to apply for every job posted and wait. Wait. Still waiting...to hear no response. During this long waiting period. self-doubt creeps into my mind and my faith lacks. I don't like doubt. It crushes my soul and tends to beat me from the inside out. But, once again, Margaret Feinberg offers four little words to get me through this test of patience,
Live well while waiting.
A big aha! moment for me during this book happened in Chapter 5 as Feinberg described the story of Simon Peter in John 21. It is a story of following God. As much as I do not want to admit this, I am easily distracted by the treasures of the world. I can related to the Mary and Martha story as Martha is busily preparing the feast for Jesus, while Mary sits at Jesus' feet and listens. Martha has a "look at me attitude" and is frustrated (I understand that) that Mary is not working or helping prepare the meal. Martha's focus on hospitality and perfection is not the most important in the world; Mary's intent focus on Jesus and listening to his teaching is priority. Like Martha and Simon Peter, I get distracted too. I look at what other people have or experience and suddenly I am overwhelmed with anger, jealously, and frustration that I want to scream, "What about me?."
Don't be distracted by what others are doing. Don't worry about the speed, productivity, or efficiency of others. Don't be concerned with people who look like they are running in circles. Stay the course. They have their lane and you have yours. You need to follow me....Keep your eyes focused on me, for only then can I open your eyes to things that you cannot see otherwise.
God, thank you for smacking me on the head and getting my attention. I have become so distracted by what other have that I forget what I already know. You love me. You provide for me. You are always with me. That is enough. Help me focus, and help me stay my own course. I want to follow you.
Throughout this time, reading The Sacred Echo and considering the questions on my heart, I have asked God to reveal my path. I have a strong desire to use the abilities he has given me, but right now my human-mind is confused and blurry. I need God to unscramble my mess. I need God to re-focus my attention. I need God to lighten the path he has set for me. Maybe the silence of the job hunt I have been on for nearly a year is an echo. Or perhaps something else is coming my way. I don't know. But I do know that I trust God completely. I am what poker players call "All-In." I want the Creator of the Universe to be the Author of my story. I am tired of trying to be in the driver's seat, obviously I went off-course and I'm now stuck. I need God's towing service!
With prayer, my perspective of things will change and I am reminded:
God is speaking to you. Don't ignore it. Pay attention. Take the echo back to God in prayer. Be confident that he is leading you, guiding you, and revealing himself to you. And when you find a healthy community, celebrate what God is doing in your life by sharing your sacred echoes with others so that we can all grow in our relationship with God together.
Thank you, God, for Margaret Feinberg. And, thank you, God for always being with me and constantly reminding me - through sacred echoes - that I am not alone. Instill in me a passion for deeper relationship and a love of knowledge that will keep me searching through your Holy Word to find and seek more echoes. Please give me wisdom, patience, and understanding. Help me trust you in the difficult times, the silent times, and the joyful times. I seek this relationship. I want to wear the crown that you specifically designed for me. I want to stay the course that you designed for my feet. Now all I ask is that you put billboards along the way that guide and direct me.
